What I learnt in my first year of business
In 2017 I had read Big Magic written by Elizabeth Gilbert with a group of incredible women and was inspired to follow what lights me up, photographing humans. I declared it aloud for the first time. I has always refused to acknowledge the deeply rooted desire to pursue photography due to fear. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of not being worthy. Fear of being too old to pursue a “silly dream”. Fear of my work not resonating with people and being validated.
If you could read my teenage journals, you’d find the stories of a young girl who dreamt of photographing humans + travelling the world. Inspired by the incredible photography found between yellow spines of endless national geographic magazines on my father’s bookshelf. So there I was a couple years ago, with enough courage to say, it’s time. It’s time to get out of my own way. It’s time to acknowledge what lights me up. It’s time to find the courage to say it aloud. It’s time to take imperfect baby steps forward.
So, I used what I had access to and borrowed a camera and taught myself systems and software, admittedly making several mistakes along the way. I found the courage to reach out to strangers + friends and asked if i could photograph them. I carried that borrowed camera with me everywhere shooting as often as time would allow — xaria, my family, my vacations. I felt aligned and experienced a surge of confidence and momentum.
Then, at the end of 2017 my life took a pivoting turn as i navigated a separation and full-time single [+working] motherhood. All of the creative fire and courage to finally stand tall in my greatest truth put on hold. my growth as a creative taking a backseat to the greatest responsibility I have, mothering [and surviving]. over the course of the last 1.5 years I’ve yearned to return to the tidal wave of creativity + alignment I found from behind the lens. I said yes to shooting future weddings, with an unwavering focus. I created a vision board and manifested the clients I wanted to create for.
Slowly, I saved to put away the money to invest in myself and buy a new camera and computer. last week, I did it. I purchased the final piece of equipment I needed to start, on my own. Now, here I am, capturing humans from behind the lens of my own camera and editing on a new Mac. I’ve taken the steps to tell the universe, I’m ready, I’m here for this.
I’m making room to be a conduit of creative energy + my heart feels expansive. This is just the beginning as i step into this new chapter. I look forward to future sessions, grateful + honoured for the opportunity to bring a unique perspective and to capture a story visually. Am I scared? yes. Do I still have fear? Yes. But there is an inner knowing I’ve found within myself, that was always there, I’m right where I am meant to be. Despite the pivots + delays, I got here on my own terms + timeline, and that feels really good. I’ve jumped and now it’s time to trust my intuition and fly.